Breaking the Silence on Divorce in Faith Communities
Struggling within a marriage is not uncommon. And the reality is, some partnerships can become tainted by hurt, distrust and other things that lead to an unwanted dissolution of the relationship. In this article I wanted to delve into a topic often left undiscussed in our churches and within the hearts of many brothers in Christ—divorce. Join me as I share teachings from my own past marital breakdown, and others in my Real Men brotherhood as I reveal a summary of tips as to what to do after a separation, and how we, as followers of Christ, can journey through this tumultuous path as Godly men.
What To Do After A Separation - The Reality of Divorce in a Christian Context
You're considering getting divorced. Your world was shattered by infidelity, a truth your Christian upbringing never prepared you for. You thought that you could use the teachings of Christ to recover and reconcile the relationship, but no matter how hard you try to balance trust in God with trust in people; you and your wife just can't seem to come together, forgive and move forward.
Morale injury is a real thing. (And in my first marriage, I was the cause of it.)
Intense distrust and hurt will leave even the strongest of marriages trapped in a painful journey of separation and counseling sessions that soothe the hardship for the day (but still hover over each quiet moment at night). And even though both partners want to reconcile, some just can't break through the the loss of dedication. At least that was true in my own divorce.
The pain of separating from your partner is like no other pain I have felt. However, there will come a point where acceptance and starting again needs to occur. This inevitably leads to an intense personal growth period, and I wanted to share 3 tips to help you navigate with intention and with god's guidance.
What To Do After A Separation - 3 Faith Based Steps To Recovery
Step 1 - Gain Understanding of Your New Identity & Heal After Your Separation
In order to genuinely begin the journey of rediscovering and re-establishing yourself after a divorce, it's crucial to delve into understanding your identity beyond just being a husband. This exploration involves a deep self-reflection on who you are as an individual, separate from the role you played in your marriage.
Rediscovering your identity involves reconnecting with personal passions, values, and the understanding that your relationship with God is not contingent upon your marital status. This process helps in realigning your focus from what was lost to what can be gained through personal growth and spiritual development.
It also will help with forgiveness of self if you were the person who committed adultery. God wants you to thrive, love and be loved, and will forgive you for your actions through your re-commitment to his guidance and teachings.
Utilize God to reconnect with your new identity as a man outside of your marriage, who is grounded in Christ and he will fill you with the strength to recover and become the leader he intended for your life.
What To Do After A Separation - 3 Faith Based Steps To Recovery
Step 2 - Marital Identity Versus Individual Faith, What To Do With Your Loss of Marital Status
In many Christian communities, there's a significant emphasis placed on marriage, often positioning it as a pinnacle of Christian life. While marriage is undoubtedly an important aspect of many people's lives and faith, this overemphasis can sometimes overshadow our personal, individual relationship with God. It can lead to a situation where our sense of self-worth and identity becomes inextricably linked with our marital status, causing us to lose sight of our unique value as individuals and children of God.
The dissolution of your marriage, and you're need to reconnect with who you are doesn't need to turn into a solo-mission, in fact, this is the best time to lean into your relationship with Christ, his support of you, and his guidance in what he wants for your life.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”, – Psalm 147:3
What To Do After A Separation - 3 Faith Based Steps To Recovery
Step 3 -The Power of Brotherhood in Healing Your Loss and Separation
You don't need to walk the road of recovery alone. In fact, finding a brotherhood, a community of men who can share and alleviate the pain of divorce is incredibly helpful.
Supportive networks will share the burdens of your emotions by listening to you as you evolve through the stages of grief and divorce, and the will also provide a positive outlet for you to interact with emotionally as an individual reestablishing himself.
There is power in being vulnerable and discussing your emotions openly with other men who has been exactly where you are, and who have come out on the other side with the guidance of God, and the support of fellow men of Christ.
Life after divorce is a unique journey, and it is best to surround yourself with other men of God who want to lead a life built on the bible's principles.
Moving Forward with Faith and Resilience
Your journey through divorce will likely be an unpredictable and "bumpy" one, but never forget God's faithfulness in the midst of life's storms. Remember, each challenge is an opportunity for growth and deepening your faith. As you navigate this difficult path, lean into your spiritual beliefs and the community that surrounds you. God's presence is a constant, even in times of change and uncertainty. Embrace this period as a time to rediscover yourself, to build stronger connections with those around you, and to grow closer to God.
Struggling Post Divorce And Need A Brotherhood Who Just Gets It?
