How to Be a Spiritual Leader: A Real Man’s Most Courageous Calling
- Dr. Joe Martin
- 4 days ago
- 8 min read
One of my mentor's once told me, "You'll never become who God called you to be by staying the man you've always been." I had no idea at the time how true those words were. Thanks Howard.
So, let me start with a confession. I didn't always know what it meant to be a spiritual leader. In fact, for most of my life, I wasn't leading anybody, I was just trying to survive.
Growing up in the hood with a single teenage mom, no dad in the home, and surrounded by poverty, abuse, and pain, I didn't learn how to lead; I learned how to run from problems, from pain, from responsibility, and yes, from God. But God.
God used the brokenness, the abuse, the addiction, my failed first marriage, and the depression, not to destroy me, but to develop me. And He can do the same for you.
Because here's the truth: if you're a man who loves God, wants to lead his family, but quietly feels like you're failing or faking your way through it, you're not alone. And you're not broken. You're just untrained. But today that can change.
Let's talk about what it really means to be a spiritual leader, and how you can step into that calling with boldness, courage, and brotherhood.
What Is Spiritual Leadership?
Ask any Christian man if he wants to be a godly husband, father, and leader, and 99% of the time the answer will be yes. But if you follow him home? Watch him when no one's watching? That same man will often wrestle with secret shame, fear, and frustration:
"I don't know how to lead spiritually." "My wife is more spiritually mature than I am." "I don't pray enough, read enough, or know enough of the Bible." "I keep messing up in the same areas over and over again." "I feel alone and like I can't tell anyone."
Can I be real with you? I get it. Because most of us were raised in a world where we were told that being a man meant being strong, silent, successful, and if you showed emotion or asked for help, you were weak.
And in most homes? There wasn't a godly man to model spiritual leadership. If you had a dad, maybe he was distant, abusive, addicted, or just didn't know how to love well. That was me. And that's why Real Men Connect and our private brotherhood, the Real Men 300, exists, to show men a better way, God's way.
Spiritual leadership doesn't mean being perfect, knowing every Bible verse, or praying three hours a day. It means being intentional about leading your family toward God by example, by love, and by faith. Here's how I define it:
A spiritual leader is a man who pursues God, leads his family with love and integrity, and takes full responsibility for the spiritual climate and legacy of his home.
Simple? Yes. Easy? No. But it's possible. And it's worth it.
The Inner Circle of Spiritual Leadership
Let's break it down in Scripture.
1. God First (Pursue Intimacy with the Father)
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." – Matthew 6:33 (ESV)
Before you lead anyone else, you must be led. By God. Spiritual leadership begins in the secret place. That means making time every day to meet with your Heavenly Father. Not just reading the Bible or checking boxes, but actually talking to God, and more importantly, listening. You can't give your family what you don't have.
The one thing that separates effective spiritual leaders from ineffective ones is their personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Leaders who make a lasting impact are those who spend time in the Word, in prayer, and in the presence of the Holy Spirit.
2. Wife Next (Love Her Like Christ)
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…" – Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)
Spiritual leadership in your marriage isn't about control, it's about sacrifice. Loving your wife means laying down your pride, your preferences, and sometimes your plans for her good. It means praying with her and for her. Leading hard conversations with humility. Confessing sin. Encouraging her spiritual growth. And yes, it means sometimes washing dishes or rocking the baby at 2 a.m.
3. Then Children (Disciple, Don't Just Discipline)
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." – Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)
Your kids don't need a perfect dad; they need a present one. They need to see what grace looks like when you blow it, what faith looks like when times are hard, and what love looks like when it's not convenient. They need your attention more than your advice; your prayers more than your pressure. And they need to know that Jesus is not just someone you talk about on Sundays, but Someone you walk with every day.
Spiritual Life Skills for Kids and Ideas To Teach Them
As a spiritual leader, one of your most important roles is teaching your children how to develop their own relationship with God. Here are some practical ways to do this:
Prayer: Teach them to talk to God naturally throughout the day
Bible study: Make Scripture accessible and relevant to their age
Service: Find opportunities to serve others as a family
Worship: Create times of family worship beyond just church attendance
Character development: Connect godly character traits to everyday situations
These aren't just activities—they're investments in your children's eternal future.
What Does It Look Like to Lead Your Family Spiritually?
My Personal Wake-Up Call:
Years ago, after hitting rock bottom in my marriage and battling addiction, depression, and anger, I found myself on the edge of losing everything again. I was successful on the outside but spiritually empty on the inside. I knew I couldn't do life alone anymore. I needed God. And I needed brothers to walk with me.
That's when Real Men Connect was born, not from a mountaintop, but from a valley. From pain, not pride. And that's what makes it so powerful. Because every man in the Real Men 300 knows what it's like to fail, but they also know what it means to fight.
Practical Steps to Biblical Leadership in Your Home
Let me paint a picture of what it looks like when a man begins to lead spiritually:
He wakes up 30 minutes earlier to get in the Word.
He prays out loud over his wife and kids.
He owns his mistakes and asks for forgiveness.
He takes his family to church and leads them in worship.
He turns off the TV to read a devotional with his son.
He confesses his lust struggle to a brother and fights to break the addiction.
He shows up on coaching calls, asks questions, and takes notes, not to impress but to invest in his growth.
That's not perfection. That's progress. That's a man becoming who God created him to be.
A Healthy Spiritual Leader Sets Healthy Margins in Their Life
Spiritual leaders understand that boundaries aren't restrictions—they're protection. Just as Jesus often withdrew to pray (Luke 5:16), you need margins in your life to prevent burnout and maintain spiritual vitality.
This means:
Setting work boundaries to protect family time
Creating tech-free zones in your home
Learning to say "no" to good things so you can say "yes" to the best things
Guarding your mind from negative influences
When you establish healthy margins, you model for your family that following Christ isn't about doing more—it's about doing what matters most.
A Healthy Spiritual Leader Admits Their Weaknesses
Perhaps the most powerful thing a spiritual leader can do is acknowledge their limitations. The apostle Paul wrote, "when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10), because it's in our weakness that God's strength is perfected.
When you admit your weaknesses:
You model humility for your family
You create space for God to work
You invite others to use their strengths
You demonstrate that leadership isn't about perfection
This vulnerability doesn't diminish your leadership—it authenticates it.
Where to Begin the Journey of Spiritual Leadership
Five Keys to Growing as a Spiritual Leader:
1. Start Small, but Start Now
Spiritual leadership starts with a single step. Don't wait until you "feel ready." Pick up your Bible. Pray out loud. Ask your wife how you can lead better.
2. Be Humble, Not Heroic
You don't have to know it all. Ask questions. Admit when you need help. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).
3. Get in Community
You can't grow in isolation. Find a brotherhood like the Real Men 300. We weren't meant to walk this road alone.
4. Lead by Example
You don't have to preach. Just practice. Your family is watching; let them see a man who walks with God.
5. Don't Quit When It Gets Hard
This isn't a sprint; it's a lifetime calling. There will be setbacks, but keep showing up. God honors consistency more than charisma.
A Healthy Spiritual Leader Takes People With Them
True spiritual leaders don't just go on the journey alone—they bring others along. As John Maxwell says, "If you're leading and no one is following, you're just taking a walk."
Jesus modeled this by investing deeply in His disciples. He didn't just teach the crowds; He poured His life into the twelve, and even more intensely into Peter, James, and John.
As a spiritual leader in your home, this means:
Intentionally creating moments to connect with each family member
Sharing what God is teaching you
Inviting your family into your spiritual disciplines
Celebrating their spiritual growth and insights
How Do You Know If You Are Growing Spiritually?
Spiritual growth isn't always visible, but over time, there are clear indicators:
Increased love for God and others
Greater patience in difficult situations
More consistent time in prayer and Scripture
Deeper desire to serve without recognition
Growing awareness of your dependence on the Holy Spirit
As John writes in his first epistle, our love for others is a tangible sign of our love for God (1 John 4:20-21). When you find yourself becoming more loving, patient, and servant-hearted, you're seeing evidence of spiritual growth.
Real Men 300: Your Brotherhood for Spiritual Growth
If you're tired of trying to lead your family on your own…. If you feel unequipped, uncertain, or just flat-out overwhelmed by life, marriage, or fatherhood…. You need a brotherhood, not just a Bible study.
The Real Men 300 is our private, Christian brotherhood for men who want real change and real accountability. We're not just another men's group; we're a tribe of spiritual warriors who:
Pray together
Confess our struggles
Call each other higher
Grow in the Word
Show up weekly
Train one another to win at what matters most
We follow a proven, 5-step strategy that equips men to win at being husbands, fathers, and leaders. And no man ever gets left behind. No more pretending. No more isolation. No more spiritual laziness. This is training ground for spiritual leaders.
Final Thoughts: Your Family Is Waiting on You
Brother, your wife doesn't need a superhero; she needs a spiritual man. Your kids don't need a millionaire, they need a man of God. Your God doesn't demand perfection, He desires pursuit. Being a spiritual leader isn't about being ready; it's about being willing. And I believe you are.
You wouldn't be reading this if God wasn't stirring something in your heart. So don't ignore the call. Don't delay your obedience. Don't let fear win. You were created to lead. Not just in your job. Not just in your gym. But in your home. And if you don't know where to start? We've got your back.
Set up a FREE Breakthrough Call with me, and let's talk about how the Real Men 300 can help you grow into the man, husband, father, and spiritual leader God created you to be.
Remember, spiritual leadership isn't a title, it's a daily decision to pursue God and lead your family with love and humility. Most men struggle because they were never trained. That's where Real Men Connect and the Real Men 300 brotherhood come in. You don't have to walk this road alone. You don't have to pretend anymore. You don't have to carry it all by yourself. You just have to take the first step.
So… are you ready to become the spiritual leader your family needs and God is calling you to be? Let's take that step together.
