The Marriage Miracle I Was Desperate For (That's NOT What You Think)
I had just arrived in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, for a speaking engagement when I had to check the voicemail messages on my phone. Most were the usual and nothing out of the ordinary; one from my client making sure my flight arrived safely; another was my mom checking to see what part of the country I was in that week; and a couple of telemarketers selling things I didn’t particularly need or want.
But little did I know that the last message on my voicemail would change my life forever. It was from my wife, and she said:
“I want a divorce. I found out about your porn watching and your conversations with other women you’ve been sleeping with. And I’m done with you, and I’m done with our marriage. Don’t even bother coming back home, because this marriage is over, and I don’t ever want to see you again.”
My marriage and my life, as I knew it, was over. Not only did I not know what to do; I needed a miracle to save my marriage. And at that time, my wife wouldn’t even answer her phone whenever I tried to call her. But can you blame her? I had betrayed her trust, broken her heart, destroyed our family, and ruined a 20-year friendship and a 16-year marriage.
Troubled Marriage Prayers May Not Work, But Crying For Mercy Will
Have you ever felt trapped, like you were suffocating, and your life was flashing right before your eyes? Well, that’s exactly how I felt when I listened to my wife’s shattered heart on that voicemail; a heart that was camouflaged in hate, anger, and malice. I knew right then my marriage was over, and it would take a miracle to save it; or at least I needed a miracle to save it.
So, what do you do when you need a miracle to save your marriage to keep your world from falling apart?
Easy, you don’t rely on or pray for a miracle; instead, you cry out to God for something more important than a miracle; you cry out for mercy. And that’s exactly what I did.
I knew the miracle I needed wouldn’t be in God saving my marriage; it would be in a merciful God saving my life and giving me the emotional ENDURANCE and spiritual STRENGTH to continue to fight for my marriage, even if my marriage ended in divorce.
My miracle had to first start with the endurance to fight for a marriage that now seemed hopeless. I say hopeless because that’s exactly how I felt. I was guilty of cheating on my wife multiple times with multiple women, and she had the evidence to prove it.
At that moment, I felt like my life had ended. And to be totally honest, I physically wanted to end my life. I was considered somewhat of a public figure, who worked in education – teaching and training teachers and students in school districts all over the world. My areas of expertise were teacher retention, student achievement, and character development. Not only was my marriage and family in jeopardy, my credibility as an educator, speaker, and consultant was in jeopardy as well. I could potentially lose everything.
But the toughest of all the challenges I faced was having to face my 9-year-old son and explaining to him why his mom and I were getting a divorce. I was overcome and overwhelmed with a paralyzing fear I’ve never felt before in my life. I would’ve done anything to escape that feeling – even if it meant taking my own life.
That’s when the first miracle happened.
My Marriage Was 100% Done & I Wanted My Life To Also End
I had decided that my life was no longer worth living, and I would intentionally end my life after I finished my speaking engagement (to delay anyone finding out). I had already made up my mind; I just needed to determine the exact time, method, and place – and I did. All I had to do was make it through a one-hour speaking engagement. The best thing was, no one knew where I was speaking, so that meant no one would be able to stop me from carrying out my horrific plan to kill myself.
Prior to my decision, my wife had called my mom and my sister about my cheating and her choice to end our marriage, but neither my mom nor my sister could reach me by phone, and they didn’t know where I was. Because I refused to answer my phone or return any of their messages.
And after I somehow managed to finish my speech, I was even more determined to end my life, because the real weight and fallout of the cost of my porn addiction and cheating were starting to add up in my mind by the minute. It was just too much for me to take.
God Knows Your Heart, Even Its Pain & He Sends 'Miracles' To Get You Through
Then the miracle happened. As I was leaving the venue to implement my plan to end my life, I saw my younger stepbrother, who I hadn’t seen in over a year, sitting in the last row of seats of the auditorium. When he saw me, he came up to me and uttered these words:
“Big Bro, I heard about what happened, and everybody is worried sick about you; and no one could reach you. I know what you’re going to do or at least what you’re thinking about doing. But I’m not going to let you do it. You and I are going back to your hotel, and I’m going to sit with you for as long as it takes until you change your mind. I know you think your life is over, but it’s not. No matter what happens to your marriage, you still have a son who needs his dad in his life. And I’m going to sit with you until you come to that same conclusion.”
My little brother had driven over an hour and half to find me; and to this day, I still don’t know how he did it. And although we both sat in that hotel room without uttering a word to one another for well over an hour, God moved on my heart as I silently cried out to Him. And with tears in my eyes, I told my brother I changed my mind and I decided to fight for my marriage, my son, and my future.
It was obvious to me, having my stepbrother arrive at the right place, at the right time, and saying the right thing was the miracle from God I needed to stay in the fight.
Then just a few months later, God provided a second miracle.
You May Want To Save Your Marriage, But Your Wife May Feel Differently
Although I chose to fight for the marriage, my wife was committed on following through on her plans to divorce me – even begging and pleading with me not to resist her demands for a divorce. Prior to the divorce filing, we had just purchased a brand new, bigger home that we just fully furnished and was near my son’s school.
She decided she couldn’t afford the expense and upkeep of a home that size, so she decided to move out and find herself (and my son) an apartment. Although I continued to fight for the marriage, it appeared from the outside looking in, I was in denial of the inevitable, as my wife continued to take the necessary steps to finalize and facilitate the divorce.
It wasn’t that I was in denial, I just chose to keep fighting and praying for my marriage. Just like in Ft. Lauderdale, I refused to give up. I just needed God to give me the spiritual strength to keep fighting and “leave it all on the field” (sort of speak). And I did.
But one day, after I accepted the reality of the impending divorce, I finally came to grips that there was nothing else I can do to save the marriage. And I realized, anything short of a miracle, I had to prepare for my “new normal” of being a divorced, single dad; and I once again became overwhelmed and overcome by fear.
But unlike the last time, I didn’t decide to take my life, I just didn’t have the energy or strength to live anymore. Meaning, I was so depressed, I didn’t want to wake up and get out of bed; I didn’t want to brush my teeth, bathe, or shave; I didn’t want to work, cook, eat, or clean; and I didn’t even want to take care of my son who was sleeping in the next room.
So, I cried out to God again for mercy:
“God, I can’t do this anymore; I’m defeated. I have no more fight in me, and I’m tired, worn out, broken, and undone. I can’t even get up out of this bed; and I don’t want to and I’m too ashamed to even face my son today. Please have mercy on me. I’m too weak right now to do anything. And if you don’t show up right now, I’m not going to make it – and it’s going to freak out my son and scare him to death. Please help me Jesus.”
After I cried out to God, the miracle came when the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. The Holy Spirit said, “Roll over.” I replied, “What?!” The Holy Spirit said, “I said, roll over, and then wait for my next command.” So, I obeyed the Holy Spirit’s voice, and I kept rolling over, three times, until I finally hit the floor.
Then after the Holy Spirit told me to “Stand up,” He said, “Take one step at a time towards your office.” And after following several other incremental commands like, “sit up straight, turn on your computer, start typing, and start working,” about 15 minutes later, my son strolled into my office in his PJ’s, and he said, “Daddy, I love you.” And I replied, “I love you too Son.” And then he just left my office.
Then I called my son back into my office, and I asked him, “Why did you come to my office to say that?” He responded, “I just thought you needed to hear that today.” And after he left, I sat there and just started to uncontrollably cry like a baby.
Because I felt the presence of God when my son said that; and based on the timing, the place, and the messenger God chose, I knew it was another miracle. And I never struggled to get out of bed like that again.
My Divorce WAS My Life's 'Marriage Miracle'
Now, 18 years later, after having my life redeemed and restored with another wife, another child (a daughter), and a new career (in men’s ministry with Real Men Connect), I realize now that the miracle I needed wasn’t to save my marriage, but more so to save my life. And I want you to know God wants to do the same for you in your situation if you would just ask Him for mercy, not just a miracle; if you ask Him to save your soul, not just your marriage; and if you ask Him to help you find purpose in your pain, not just to eliminate it.
Because eventually, God would use me as a miracle to save other men’s lives, just like He used my son and my little brother to save mine.
Even though my first marriage ultimately ended in divorce, I watched God use my life, my mistakes, my failures, my pain, my shame, and ultimately my testimony, to save the marriages and lives of hundreds of men all over the world. And beyond God saving me, that’s been the best miracle of all.
Now it’s your turn to be the miracle God ultimately wants to use to help, bless, and save others. The only question is, will you let Him?
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