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Updated: Jul 15, 2020

save my marriage

Of course you shouldn’t get a divorce.  But I can’t tell you how many “Christian men” I run into who don’t even care what God says on the subject.  Now don’t start quoting scripture on me, giving me the exception clause, and justify “extenuating circumstances” for divorce, because I hear that all time.

My simple rule of thumb when it comes to contemplating divorce is more practical. Whatever you decide to do, simply ask yourself:

Would God applaud it?  Would it bring Him joy? Would it draw non-believers closer to God? 

I think you get my point.

But I just wanted you do an assessment of your marriage to see if there are some warning signs that could eventually lead to a divorce. And we don’t want that. Just answer these questions honestly to see where your marriage stands (Hey, nobody’s looking). Not all the questions will apply, so if not, just skip it.

1. How often do you and your wife argue?

  1. Every hour on the hour

  2. Once a day

  3. On a weekly basis

  4. About once a month

  5. Almost never

2. What do you and your wife argue most about?

  1. Housework

  2. Money

  3. Children

  4. Infidelity

  5. Substance abuse

  6. Family

3. If you had it to do all over again, would you still marry your mate?

  1. Absolutely not

  2. If I didn’t meet someone better

  3. Definitely

  4. I’m not sure

4. What are your thoughts on cheating?

  1. I would never cheat on my wife

  2. I’ve thought about cheating on my wife

  3. I have committed adultery once

  4. I am currently having an affair

5. Who do you confide in the most?

  1. My spouse

  2. My friends

  3. My co-workers

  4. My family

  5. Nobody

6. How much of a role do you play in parenting?

  1. I'm very much a part of my children’s lives

  2. I'm physically there, but I'm not there

  3. I have little interaction with my kids

  4. I'm basically like a roommate to them

  5. My children are my life

7. What do you do with your paycheck?

  1. I squander all my money on myself

  2. I pay the bills

  3. I contribute half of my check and keep the other half

  4. My wife has no clue about our finances

8. How do you and your wife handle your money?

  1. We have joint accounts

  2. We have a joint account, as well as our own personal accounts

  3. We have separate accounts

  4. I/She handles all of the money

9. Which best describes the disagreements between you and your wife?

  1. We try and stay neutral when in a discussion

  2. It’s usually a big blow-up with lots of yelling

  3. Our fights often become physical

  4. The police are usually involved

  5. We don’t raise our voices, but resolve the issue in a calm, collective manner

  6. When it starts to get bad, we retreat to different corners

10. Does your wife trust you around other women?

  1. Absolutely not – I’ve cheated on her before

  2. She gets jealous sometimes

  3. She knows I would never cheat on her

  4. Like most women, she worries, but she gets past it

11. How often do you drink or do drugs?

  1. Every day

  2. Once a week

  3. A few times a month

  4. On special occasions

  5. Never

12. You have sex with your wife…

  1. As often as possible

  2. Every few days

  3. Once a week

  4. Maybe once a month

  5. It’s been years

13. When your wife has a problem, you…

  1. Tell her to resolve it herself

  2. Ask what you can do to help

  3. I'm there for her 100 percent

  4. I don’t say anything one way or the other

14. How do you feel about your wife’s job?

  1. I respect her career

  2. I'm jealous of her success

  3. I resent the amount of time she spends at work

  4. I always brag about how proud I am of her

  5. I regard it as a hobby

  6. I believe it’s as important as my job

15. How often does the topic of divorce come up in your marriage?

  1. Almost never

  2. Almost hourly

  3. During a few trying times

  4. At least once a week

  5. Every time we fight

I know you probably want to know what your answers reveal.  Well, the truth of the matter is, the only thing that can determine whether or not you should get a divorce is YOU!  God has given you a covenant responsibility and freedom of choice.  This assessment is only an exercise to get you to face the truth about your marriage so you can take it to God in prayer AND connect with a group of strong, spiritual brothers who can help you.

So, if you'd like to lock arms and do life with a group of godly men, just like you, who will intentionally and strategically hold you accountable for being the husband and spiritual leader God called and created you to be, then might want to consider joining the Real Men 300. You can find out how to apply below.


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