When Good Men Struggle (EP.1001)

What happens when you do everything right, but life doesn't follow God's formula?

Cory Dobbelaere asked himself that question after experiencing a complete mental breakdown at age 28. By all worldly measures, he'd achieved success—corporate executive, world traveler, living the American dream. Then everything fell apart.

Mental hospitals. Bankruptcy. Prison. Gang violence. Homelessness. Abandonment.

For 10 years, Cory lived in a world he never knew existed. But through it all, God was preparing him for a purpose bigger than any corporate title could offer.

In our latest episode of Real Men Connect, Cory shares his powerful testimony of going from the pit to purpose.

His story isn't about elimination of struggle—it's about transformation through struggle. And the lessons he learned can help any man who's fighting battles no one else sees.

Here are three key highlights from Corey's journey:

1. Abandonment Was His Greatest Teacher—And His Deepest Wound

When Cory left the hospital after his mental breakdown, his parents—who had always been there—stepped away. He went from the hospital to a homeless shelter, experiencing abandonment for the first time in his life.

"It was the first time in my life that I had felt abandonment," Cory shares. "I went from the hospital to a homeless shelter... However, those things do live in you. And between that and the events that I had already mentioned, I struggle to this day with trust and giving my trust to people."

The pain of abandonment—combined with trauma from prison violence and years of homelessness—left deep scars that Cory calls his "Paul's thorn." But it also taught him something profound: the difference between conditional and unconditional love.

During those 10 years, Cory was introduced to veterans with PTSD living on the streets, lost children, runaways, and people society had forgotten. He calls them "the least of my brothers and sisters"—and they taught him what compassion, loyalty, and love truly mean.

The Lesson for Men: Abandonment and trauma create filters on our hearts that can make trust difficult. But God can use those experiences to teach us empathy and connect us with others who are struggling. The key is not isolating yourself—it's finding trustworthy men who will stand with you through anything.

2. The Turning Point: Feeling the Father's Embrace

Cory describes multiple moments when he was at his lowest—contemplating suicide, completely empty, with nothing left. Each time, something miraculous happened.

"I felt what my heart and soul always needed," Corey explains. "This intense warmth came over my body. And I'm not talking sweating. I'm talking warmth. And I felt the loving hands of Christ and being held, simply being held."

He continues with profound vulnerability: "I think we as men have to be men, macho, blah, blah, blah. I'm man enough to admit those have been the best times in my life when I actually felt like a child wrapped in my father's arms."

That experience—sitting on a park bench, broken and alone, looking at a hotel where he'd once won awards—became his commissioning moment. He surrendered everything and told God: "I completely empty. I do not care what happens to me. I knew who was with me. I never want anyone to ever feel this way. And dear God, if you would give me that opportunity, I will give everything of me to you in order to help others never feel this way."

The Lesson for Men: True masculinity isn't about never being vulnerable—it's about having the courage to admit when you need to be held by your Heavenly Father. The embrace of God is real, tangible, and available in your darkest moments. Don't let pride keep you from experiencing it.

3. Three Principles for Men Who Struggle: Compassion, Loyalty, Persistence

When asked what principles keep him from reverting to his darkest days, Cory shared three that every man needs:

Compassion: "I don't need to understand anything or anyone. No two realities are the same. I can always have compassion and that's my choice."

Loyalty: "I've been shown it by example. I do everything I can to not give up on anyone."

Persistence: "We're all going to die, but no one believes it's going to happen to them. I got a job to do. And I know it's directly dictated by God himself... It's persistence in waking up in the morning and being in silence with God. It's persistence of getting frustrated and shutting up and listening to God. It is persistence and not constantly asking for what I want, but what I need and have the courage to actually take it on."

These aren't just nice-sounding principles—they're battle-tested truths from a man who's been through hell and back.

The Lesson for Men: Don't just survive—live with purpose. Practice compassion even when you don't understand. Be loyal even when it's hard. Persist in your walk with God, asking not for what you want, but for what you need and the courage to take it on.

Final Thoughts

Cory Dobbelaere's message to struggling men is simple but profound: "Love one another. Gosh dang it. You're not entitled to anything. You're not entitled to a good life. I don't care how hard you work. Things happen. And love one another. And I mean love. Not the Webster's Dictionary. God's definition—love one another."

Today, Cory serves on the Ohio Attorney General's Office on Mental Health and Criminal Justice, the advisory board for the Ohio Suicide Prevention Foundation, and speaks to audiences across the country. He's the author of two books: "Harrison's Story" and "God Get You Some."

But more importantly, he's a living testimony that no pit is too deep for God's redemption. If you're struggling today—if you're a good man going through hard times—Cory's story will remind you that transformation is possible when you pursue God with everything you have.

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Cory Dobbelaere is an author, speaker, and advocate for mental health and faith. He serves as a committee member of the Ohio Attorney General’s Office on Mental Health and Criminal Justice as well as subcommittees focused on youth and early childhood education. Cory also sits on the Advisory Board for the Ohio Suicide Prevention Foundation, and he is a contributor to a wide range of faith, mental health and education initiatives focusing on people living a more rewarding and productive life.

You can contact Corry by emailing him at corydobbelaere@gmail.com or visiting his website: http://corydobbelaere.weebly.com/  And you can purchase his books on Amazon.com

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