When a Man Fails at Marriage (EP:1003)

What happens when you think you have marriage figured out at 17, only to discover you know nothing at all?

Eric Terry Sr. asked himself that question after two failed marriages and a decade of relational pain. By age 21, he'd already been married and divorced twice—the first time as a 17-year-old stepfather to 3 children, trying to replicate the perfect marriage he'd witnessed in his parents' home.

The problem? His wife didn't grow up in that same home.

For years, Eric cycled through the pain of broken relationships, carrying guilt and shame while searching for answers. But through it all, God was preparing him for a ministry that would help thousands of men avoid the mistakes he made.

In our latest episode of Real Men Connect, Eric shares his powerful journey from relational failure to becoming a successful marriage coach and author.

His story isn't about achieving perfection—it's about learning from failure and letting God choose your path. And the lessons he learned can help any man struggling in his marriage or relationships.

Here are three key highlights from Eric's journey:

1. His Father's Perfect Marriage Couldn't Help Him Navigate Divorce

After his second marriage crumbled, Eric did what many men do—he went to his father for advice. His dad had always had the answers. They'd been married 44 years with no arguments, no fighting, no drama. The perfect example of marital success.

But when Eric poured out his heart about the fighting, the arguments, the dysfunction, his father simply said: "You need to pray."

Eric left angry and frustrated. Then the Holy Spirit arrested him with a truth that changed everything: "How can he train you in something he's never experienced?"

"My father got married one time, Joe. And they've been married for 44 years. Happy, no arguments, no fighting, no cussing. I'm like, how was he going to help you navigate through that if he's never experienced it?" Eric realized he needed mentors who had walked through the fire of divorce and come out stronger.

That's when everything shifted. A friend told him: "Failure is only failure if you fail to learn from it."

The Lesson for Men: Don't just seek advice from men who've achieved success—seek wisdom from men who've overcome the specific battles you're fighting. The person with the perfect track record may not understand your struggle. Find mentors who have scars similar to yours.

2. The Turning Point: Letting God Choose Instead of Your Flesh

After his second divorce, Eric cried out to God in desperation. What God told him that day became the foundation for everything that followed.

"He said, you chose your first wife looking after your flesh. He said, you chose your second wife trying to relive your past because we had dated in high school and came back together. He said, if you allow me to choose your next wife, I'll make sure you walk into purpose."

Eric describes that moment with raw emotion: "Joe, when I tell you that statement had me in tears on my way driving to church."

He made a commitment—no more relationships until God led him. He would wait. He would follow instruction. He would let God be God.

The result? Nine years of marriage to his wife Deborah that he describes as the happiest experience of his life. "That's my best friend," he says. "We may disagree, but we don't argue."

From that successful marriage came Real Talk Consultants—a thriving ministry helping couples build marriages that honor God.

The Lesson for Men: Stop trying to figure out relationships on your own. Your flesh will lead you wrong. Your past will mislead you. But when you surrender control and let God direct your steps, He'll position you not just for a good marriage, but for your divine purpose.

3. Being a Man Is About More Than Providing—It's About Spiritual Leadership

Eric grew up believing that being a man meant one thing: work hard and bring home money. Put food on the table. Pay the bills. Mission accomplished.

"As long as I brought home money and put food on the table, I've succeeded as a man because I made some money. And again, it's so much deeper than that."

Through his struggles and growth, Eric learned that true biblical manhood requires being the "king and priest" of your home—a spiritual leader who brings more than a paycheck to the table.

He also learned that many men view their wives as opponents rather than teammates. "Most men have this mindset that she's not on the same team, that we're not doing this thing together, that we are fighting each other, not realizing, no, you're becoming one. You're on the same team."

Eric's core message: "If you're doing stuff against each other, here's the problem. You're killing yourself. You're setting yourself, you're setting your team up to lose."

The Lesson for Men: Your wife isn't your enemy—she's your teammate. Stop competing and start collaborating. And remember, being a provider is important, but being a spiritual leader is essential. Your family needs more than your money—they need your presence, your wisdom, and your spiritual guidance.

Final Thoughts

Eric Terry Sr.'s message to struggling men is both challenging and hopeful: "Our culture does not press the issue of men remaining men. They want to keep it in the 1950s. And so a man worked and he provided and he protected. No, it's deeper. Because if that's all you got, you're in trouble."

Today, Eric and his wife Deborah run Real Talk Consultants, offering marriage coaching, a weekly radio show on Blog Talk Radio (Tuesdays at 6:30 PM), and seminars across the country. He's the author of "Real Talk to Make Another Man" (available on Amazon).

But more importantly, he's a living testimony that God can redeem your failures and use them for His glory. If you're struggling in your marriage today—if you're a man who feels like you keep making the same mistakes—Eric's story will remind you that transformation is possible when you stop choosing based on flesh and start following God's direction.

Even after all his success, Eric admits he still struggles with fear of failure and the unknown. But that's the point—we're all works in progress. What matters is having the right men around you to hold you accountable and push you forward.

As Eric's friend taught him: Failure is only failure if you fail to learn from it.

---

Eric Terry, Sr. is a Certified Marriage Coach and Relationship Specialist, and he’s the author of “Real Talk: The Making of a Man.” Eric has been an ordained minister over the past 20 years, and he’s happily married to his soul-mate, Deborah.

Together, they operate Real Talk Consulting, a multi-service firm that focuses on building and maintaining healthy relationships. You can find out more about Eric on Facebook, via his radio show on Blog Talk Radio called "Real Talk" and through his website at http://www.RealTalkConsultants.com .  His book is also available on Amazon.com

Are you stuck? Want to get your faith, marriage, family, career and finances back on track?  Then maybe it’s time you got a coach. Every CHAMPION has one. Schedule an appointment to chat with Dr. Joe on how we can help you spiritually love and lead your family better and become the hero of your home.

BOOK A FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL HERE.