What Happens When You Think You Have Marriage Figured Out at 17?

Eric Terry Sr. faced a tough question after two failed marriages and years of relational pain. By age 21, he had already been married and divorced twice. His first marriage began when he was just 17, stepping into the role of a stepfather to three children. He tried to replicate the perfect marriage he had seen in his parents' home.

The issue? His wife did not share that same background.

For years, Eric endured the pain of broken relationships. He carried guilt and shame while searching for answers. Yet, through it all, God was preparing him for a ministry that would help thousands of men avoid the mistakes he made.

In our latest episode of Real Men Connect, Eric shares his powerful journey from relational failure to becoming a successful marriage coach and author.

His story isn't about achieving perfection. It's about learning from failure and allowing God to choose your path. The lessons he learned can help any man struggling in his marriage or relationships.

Key Highlights from Eric's Journey

1. His Father's Perfect Marriage Couldn't Help Him Navigate Divorce

After his second marriage ended, Eric sought advice from his father. His dad had always been the go-to for answers. They had been married for 44 years without arguments or drama. The perfect example of marital success.

However, when Eric shared his struggles, his father simply said, "You need to pray."

Frustrated, Eric left. Then the Holy Spirit revealed a truth that changed everything: "How can he train you in something he's never experienced?"

Eric realized he needed mentors who had faced divorce and emerged stronger. A friend reminded him, "Failure is only failure if you fail to learn from it."

The Lesson for Men: Seek wisdom from those who have overcome similar struggles. The person with a perfect track record may not understand your challenges. Find mentors with scars like yours.

2. The Turning Point: Letting God Choose Instead of Your Flesh

After his second divorce, Eric cried out to God in desperation. What God told him that day became the foundation for everything that followed.

"He said, you chose your first wife based on your flesh. You chose your second wife trying to relive your past. If you allow me to choose your next wife, I'll ensure you walk into purpose."

Eric describes that moment with raw emotion: "Joe, when I tell you that statement had me in tears on my way to church."

He committed to waiting for God's guidance before entering any new relationships. The result? Nine years of marriage to his wife Deborah, which he describes as the happiest experience of his life. "That's my best friend," he says. "We may disagree, but we don't argue."

From that successful marriage came Real Talk Consultants—a thriving ministry helping couples build marriages that honor God.

The Lesson for Men: Stop trying to navigate relationships on your own. Your flesh will mislead you. Surrender control and let God direct your steps. He'll position you for a good marriage and your divine purpose.

3. Being a Man Is About More Than Providing—It's About Spiritual Leadership

Eric grew up believing that being a man meant one thing: work hard and bring home money. Put food on the table. Pay the bills. Mission accomplished.

"As long as I brought home money and put food on the table, I succeeded as a man," he reflects. "But it's so much deeper than that."

Through his struggles, Eric learned that true biblical manhood requires being the "king and priest" of your home—a spiritual leader who offers more than a paycheck.

He also discovered that many men view their wives as opponents rather than teammates. "Most men think she's not on the same team, that we're fighting each other, not realizing we're becoming one."

Eric's core message: "If you're working against each other, you're setting your team up to lose."

The Lesson for Men: Your wife isn't your enemy—she's your teammate. Stop competing and start collaborating. Being a provider is important, but being a spiritual leader is essential. Your family needs more than your money—they need your presence, wisdom, and spiritual guidance.

The Importance of Community and Accountability

One of the most significant lessons Eric learned was the value of community. Surrounding himself with the right people made a difference in his journey. He found strength in accountability and support from other men who shared similar experiences.

Being part of a community allows men to share their struggles and victories. It creates a safe space for growth and healing. Eric emphasizes that no man should walk this journey alone.

The Lesson for Men: Build a community of like-minded individuals who can support and challenge you. Accountability is crucial for personal growth and maintaining healthy relationships.

Final Thoughts

Eric Terry Sr.'s message to struggling men is both challenging and hopeful: "Our culture does not press the issue of men remaining men. They want to keep it in the 1950s. A man worked, provided, and protected. But it's deeper than that. If that's all you have, you're in trouble."

Today, Eric and his wife Deborah run Real Talk Consultants, offering marriage coaching, a weekly radio show on Blog Talk Radio (Tuesdays at 6:30 PM), and seminars across the country. He's the author of "Real Talk to Make Another Man" (available on Amazon).

More importantly, he's a living testimony that God can redeem your failures and use them for His glory. If you're struggling in your marriage today—if you're a man who feels like you keep making the same mistakes—Eric's story will remind you that transformation is possible when you stop choosing based on flesh and start following God's direction.

Even after all his success, Eric admits he still struggles with fear of failure and the unknown. But that's the point—we're all works in progress. What matters is having the right men around you to hold you accountable and push you forward.

As Eric's friend taught him: Failure is only failure if you fail to learn from it.

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Eric Terry, Sr. is a Certified Marriage Coach and Relationship Specialist, and he’s the author of “Real Talk: The Making of a Man.” Eric has been an ordained minister for over 20 years, and he’s happily married to his soulmate, Deborah.

Together, they operate Real Talk Consulting, a multi-service firm that focuses on building and maintaining healthy relationships. You can find out more about Eric on Facebook, via his radio show on Blog Talk Radio called "Real Talk," and through his website at http://www.RealTalkConsultants.com. Amazon.com.

Are you stuck? Want to get your faith, marriage, family, career, and finances back on track? Then maybe it’s time you got a coach. Every CHAMPION has one. Schedule an appointment to chat with Dr. Joe about how we can help you spiritually love and lead your family better and become the hero of your home.

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