What Does Making Love Mean In The Bible

Beyond the Physical: What Biblical Intimacy Really Means

Let me ask you a raw, real question: Have you ever made love to your wife and still felt empty and detached afterwards?  I’m not just talking about her disinterest or emotional distance. I mean you. You gave your body to her, but you left your soul out of it. You went through the motions, did what was expected, got what you needed, but deep down you knew something was missing.

If you're nodding your head, brother, I get it. I’ve been there. As a man who’s walked through porn addiction, broken relationships, and even a failed marriage, I used to think “making love” was just a polite way of saying “having sex.” That it was just physical. Just release. Just an act. But I learned the hard way that you can have sex without making love, and you can make love without even having sex. You might want to read that again.

What I discovered, and what I want to share with you, is that biblical intimacy is far more spiritual than it is physical. And if you're a man who loves Jesus and wants to truly love your wife, then you must learn how to make love the way God intended it: with your body, your heart, your mind, and your spirit.  Let’s break that down.

Making Love As Defined By Biblical Terms

Part I: Redefining “Making Love” - God’s version, not the world’s

What the World Says:  The world tells us that sex is about performance, pleasure, and power. It’s about how long you last, how many times you’ve done it, and how good you are at it. It’s often used as a tool for control, a weapon in conflict, or a transaction for affection.

But here’s the truth: The world has reduced sex to a physical act, but God designed it as a spiritual covenant.

What God Says: Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

This isn’t just about bodies coming together; this is about oneness. Unity. Intimacy. Vulnerability. Trust.  And in Ephesians 5:25-28, Paul commands husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

To make love God’s way means we must sacrifice for her; serve her; sanctify her.  It’s not about getting something from her; it’s about giving all of ourselves to her - spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and yes, physically.

Part II: The Four Dimensions of Making Love

When you “make love” as a Christian man, you engage in more than just a physical act. You enter a sacred space of connection. And that connection has four dimensions:

1. Spiritual Intimacy: Loving Her Soul

Before you even touch her body, ask yourself: Have I touched her soul?

• Do you pray with her?

• Do you pray for her?

• Do you invite God into your intimacy?

Making love starts in the spirit. It begins with a man being fully surrendered to God and submitted to His Word. It’s hard to love your wife well if your heart is far from the One who made her.  1 Peter 3:7 reminds us: “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…so that your prayers may not be hindered.”  Yes, your prayer life and your sex life are actually connected.

2. Emotional Intimacy: Loving Her Heart

Ask yourself: Does she feel emotionally safe with me?

• Have you been attentive to her needs?

• Do you know what makes her anxious?

• Do you celebrate what makes her happy?

Too many men try to connect sexually without connecting emotionally. I often tell our men, “Connection must come before the erection.”  Your wife isn’t wired like you or me. For her, safety is the doorway to desire. Security leads to surrender. Listening leads to lovemaking.

Real emotional intimacy is saying, “I see you. I hear you. I choose you.”

3. Mental Intimacy: Loving Her Mind

Ask yourself: Does I know what’s on her mind?

• Do you know what she dreams about?

• Have you asked what she’s struggling with?

• Can you connect with her without distractions?

      Mental intimacy means being fully present. It means giving her your attention, not just when you want something, but because you love someone.  The Bible tells us in Philippians 2:4: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  That includes your wife’s thoughts, opinions, and concerns.

4. Physical Intimacy: Loving Her Body

Yes, this is part of it, but it’s the last part, not the first.  God didn’t give us sex as a reward or a weapon—but as a reflection of His covenant with us.  1 Corinthians 7:3 says:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”  But this isn’t just about obligation; it’s about mutual honor. Loving her body as Christ loved His body, the Church. Tenderly. Purposefully. Purely.

Part III: The Bedroom is a Battlefield - but not against each other

One of the enemy’s favorite playgrounds is the marriage bed.  If Satan can divide you in bed, he can divide you in life.  How many of us have let unspoken resentment, unresolved conflict, or unrealistic expectations drive a wedge between us and our wives?

As Christian men, we can’t afford to be passive or selfish in this area. We must fight for intimacy, not just desire it. We must protect our marriage bed from bitterness, busyness, boredom, and especially, pornography.  

Hebrews 13:4 warns us: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…”. Porn kills intimacy. Selfishness poisons affection. Pride crushes connection. But confession, communication, and Christ-centered leadership can restore it.

Part IV: Real Men 300 – Where intimacy starts with brotherhood

Now, you may be thinking, “Dr. Joe, I get this. I want this. But I don’t even know how to start.”  And that’s exactly why I created the Real Men 300.  Because making love the way God intended starts with being the man God created you to be. And you can’t do that in isolation. You need godly men around you who will speak truth to you, challenge you, pray for you, and walk with you.  In our private brotherhood, men discover how to:

• Lead spiritually even when they feel inadequate

• Break free from sexual addiction and shame

• Communicate with their wives more intimately

• Rekindle emotional and physical connection

• Rebuild broken trust and passion

• Understand their wives through God’s eyes

You don’t need more performance tips; you need more purpose. You don’t need better sex; you need sacred intimacy.  And that starts with your walk with Christ and your willingness to be discipled by other godly men.

It's Time to Become the Man She's Been Waiting For

Warrior, if you’ve made it this far in the article, you’re not looking for a “how-to” manual; you’re looking for healing. For restoration. For real answers.  You want to be the man your wife longs for.  You want to lead her, love her, and touch her the way God touches your heart.  You want to make love to her, not just have sex with her.  And guess what? You can.

But it starts with surrendering your own heart. That means getting honest with your own brokenness, and inviting God to show you how to love your wife as Jesus loves you: fully, sacrificially, intimately, and eternally.

Because in the end, making love isn’t about what you get. It’s about who you become.

And if you’re ready to become that man - the husband your wife deserves and the leader your home needs; I invite you to take that next faithful step.

Let’s talk. Let’s walk together. Don’t fight this battle alone.  Click here to schedule your FREE Breakthrough Call. And remember:  Real men don’t just have sex. Real men make love - God’s way.